A MONTH

How many things can happen in a month? In a month your hair might grow, you can gain or lose weight. Maybe in a month you can meet new friends ... or the love of your life. Economic problems or maybe improve your situation. But when in a month perhaps the most important man in your life is your loss.... how important can be all the above?
Yes. A month ago, the most influential man in my life passed away. And I felt time flew. It's like it was yesterday. The early morning call, getting to see and notice your face incredibly peaceful. Handsome even in your coffin.
Today your ashes, divided into three amphorae-as if none of your three children would like to let you go-are in my house. And I talk, I look at your picture and tell you how it goes. I cry. I ask you questions.
One month. A month dad you're no longer with us and at this moment  when I see the time and I know that a month ago you had only an hour and a half left to live,  believe me time has done nothing to alleviate the pain that burns my stomach, hindering me breathing, do not let me sleep .... do not let me live. I get angry. Some people tell me  not to cry, not to think so much, that it makes me wrong .... can you stop thinking when it is your father who is gone? can anyone understand that feeling? No. No one who has not gone through this pain can understand. But you knew. You knew this would happen. We had many conversations and you told me to what I had to do. Dad: it doesn't work. Here I am thinking of you, crying and unable to assume or settle. Thinking a thousand things. That life is unfair, that what will I do without you, why my kids are going to spend the rest of their lives without their Grandpa. Anyway.
No. It is not true that time helps .... I only know I'll have to learn to live with this pain that tears my heart and does not let me sleep.
did you know Dad? it's hard to go on without you. I even  learned to vent the same way as you did: writing.
Today marks a month. A month and many more will come. Then it will be years. Until one day I will say "It's been many years since the  my father passed away and I still cry, still miss him, still need him." So life without you will never be the same .... even in centuries dad.

TO MY FATHER

Friends and family:
On behalf of the Elorrieta Muñoz family I want to state the following: I know they say, it's repetitive, but there is no expression: at this time so hard for us would like to express our deepest gratitude to those who have supported us, accompanied and understanding lately. They were difficult times but we have learned to cope with the help and strength that many of you Have given us. We are proud to see people who have come to show their love and respect towards our dear father, husband, father in law and grandfather Jaime Alfonso Elorrieta Polloni.
  It hurts. Yes. This hurts a lot. However, there are things we want to express and we do not want to stay in the air.
It was a grumpy man, cantankerous, stubborn (like all ELO, we have no right to judge, because we are all the same, and those who know us ... .also know that it's true) funny and very affectionate to his family, especially his grandchildren .
The image of the typical serious as Captain Von Trapp was set aside for those who knew you closely.
Nobody ever managed to tarnish your image because you with your  so perfectly honest and impeccable speaking were able to keep in silence any contendor.
We learned to see you in pain from seeing our dear Nino, your father, passing away. And yet you managed to include all of your children and nieces in this masterful epitaph.
Today we have to say goodbye to you. Most painful thing. Perhaps the most painful one life has made us face to your wife, children, sons in law, daughter in law and grandchildren. I even feel pets are going to miss you too.
You leave. But paradoxically you stay. You'll stand on each September 18 held with cuecas, kebabs and empanadas.
You'll stay in every guitar playing until late in the family. You'll stay in your grandchildren's face every time we see them repeat yours  gestures.
Personally ... you will be with me every time I look at myself  in the mirror and I see this tremendous forehead that-among many other things you do well know- I inherited.
I beg the wind, as a chilean writer said, that this beautiful  belief about another life is not more than  a mere consolation for people, not a beautiful lie invented to
stand the pain, is actually true, I hope  the wind whispers this in my ear ... and I long,  we all long to that ... .Therefore ...


Jaime Alfonso:

See you soon husband
See you soon father in law
See you soon Grandpa
See you soon....Dad...
                                         with love
                                                          Your  *"little rib"

*"little rib", the nickname my dad had for l me when I was a little girl

(My words during the ceremony at my father's funeral, with the  "Big Fish" suit as a background)

These songs  were heard during the ceremony in honor of my dad: "El Reloj" by Antonio Prieto and "Mi Caballo Blanco" by Los Huasos Quincheros.

Dear Dad,  I did my best to give you tribute. I'll miss you for the rest of my life ...

YOU'RE ALREADY HERE 2016

You are here already. I know you won't behave. As they did in 2014 and 2015. I do not know how you will behave afterwards. If you let me quiet. If I have peace .... all I know is that I hate you for the rest of my life. That you'll get one of the most precious things I have. So I know that although I hate you with all my heart unfortunately I won't be able to forget you. I ask only one thing: what you have to do, do it with mercy and compassion . It's the only way I could see you in some different way
. A less painful way.

BITTERSWEET

   Christmas. A date to cheer up anyone. How nice is to decorate, hear carols, cooking gingerbread cookies, well ... get in the mood. Hang out with my kids and go counting the decorated houses. The night lights. This, however will be different. All together, making it the most beautiful and magical as possible this year. All happy and content. Decorating the table, listening to music, sharing.
   We knew it would probably be like this. And as far as I'm concerned I will do my best to be your most beautiful Christmas in life. Filled with colors, full of love, with the whole family.
   Yes, he will be there too. Father Christmas. Ask him for something would be very complicated. But if I could do I think you know exactly what it would be.
   I do not want tears this Christmas Eve. For that there  will be plenty of time. I want to see you happy, enjoying, and having a good time, because as I told you a while ago, "if you're okay, I'm fine"
   Bittersweet? ... No, only sweet .... because you will be here.

DON'T LIKE IT?? JUST DON'T WATCH IT!!

Hurray for love!!

TO THE MOVIES!

Last time I went to the movies was the next day I discovered Valentina was on the way. I never thought I had to wait for more than 5 years to sit on an armchair again. Not even thinking it had to be a movie for children. But it was, and the chose one was: Toy Story 3.
You go back in time. You have memories and you think of your toys as relatives or friend you haven't seen in years and you wonder how they are? where thay are? Fortunatelly I'm quite lucky to have more than one of those "friend in me" near me. At least I know where they are. What I don't know is how to find the magic...it's gone. It's when you get up to play with them but nothing happened, it's not the same..and that's called: growing up. The nice thing: when you have children that magic comes back to you. That's how it happened now. When we came bach from the movies Valentina ran to hug her doll, the one that looks like a baby. She hug her and she said she wanted to take care of her forever. And then Jano gave her a pseudo preach: the importance of keeping the toys and take care of them. And maybe the story will be born again in her and her little brother. Now Pity, which is how she calls the doll, sleeps with her, eats with her and even listens to her. And while I see her I feel happy to know that many of my called "friends in me" are still there. Not in Andy's attic...but in ours.

SPARE TIME...(WHAT'S THAT?)

It's unbelievable I'm back. Lots of thing have happened. But you know...motherhood, most of the time doesn't allow me to keep on with my blog, the one I have called "my personal relief". Anyhow..I've made it. Here I am again. I just hope not to last to write again. It makes me feel good.

So many changes in our lives lately. The earthquake...but , who didn't suffer?? I'm not talking about that againg because all of us know what happened. And we all know the pain and everything.

I'm back!!! to laught at some ridicolous celebrity, or get emotional of some children cases, or maybe a puppy. The important thing now is that I'm trying to focus my "necessities" and duties, as a woman, mother, wife, etc. and having this relief and write of whatever I want to as it has always been..and will be.