IT DOESN'T GIVE THE SAME

 In nine days my beloved country will have to elect a president for the period 2022-2026. It doesn't matter who you vote for. As this is my blog and I show my preference, I am going to refer to what I believe is correct or incorrect.

There are two candidates. My dad always told me that a young candidate was idealistic, that it didn't matter that he had no experience "he is going to look to the future because he has life ahead of him." Neither candidate is old, ... one is older than me, I am not a lolita but I am not an old woman either. That older candidate proposes things that I have already experienced. I grew up in a dictatorship. What he proposes I don't like. It is repression. It is ultra coservative. AND ... IT IS NOT FREE.

The other candidate, Gabriel Boric, is very young. Has fresh, renewed ideas. And they want to scare us by saying that he is the candidate of Communism. I am not a communist, nor is the candidate. But the other ... yes, he is a fascist.

Now ... you ask yourself, do you want fascism in Chile? what does it sound like? Pinochet? Franco? Mussolini? BINGO!!! Yes!

Boric? ... is not infected. You who want to vote for the unspeakable candidate ... live together? are you wrong for him? are you gay for him you are wrong. Now ask yourself: do you want a free country? You really believe that the other candidate represents that, you can ... OPEN YOUR EYES. No!!!! represents repression. I vote for my country. I vote Boric. I vote freedom. I vote for my country. I VOTE EQUALITY !!!!

MY BELOVED "NANNY"

 

The best treasure that can be entrusted to a person is children. Mr. Jaime Elorrieta Polloni and his wife Mrs. Amparo Muñoz Moscoso (my parents) could not have chosen someone better than Mr. Orlando Hernández.

Eternally grateful, the Elorrieta Muñoz family, to who gave us only moments of joy.

Cututo, you leave us an empty space that no one will fill. Now 
it's time for you to rest and enjoy in that dimension called Heaven.

Goodbye Cututo

TURNING 50

 Friends and family here present: This of the speeches is very much mine and my close ones know it. Today the most important people in my life are with me accompanying me. One or the other was left out, not because they didn't want to 

be here, but for the pandemic we are going through, among other things. It's 50 years, 50 YEARS. It sounds really big to me and I still can't believe it. I am celebrating my 50 years remembering the achievements and not the blunders of my life. Remembering those who have passed through it and left their mark. I can't not mention someone who Iwould have given what wa asked me to be here: my dad. I think where you are, you must be thinking “you stupid, old girl! You turned 50 !! ”. They are 50 and even so the father is missed, among many others who are no longer in this dimension.

In my 50 years my achievements have been quite a few. I like to write, read, sing, etc. draw your conclusions. However, there are two tremendous achievements that do not hang on the wall in diplomas: Valentina Pilar and Rodrigo Alfonso. They are the most valuable and greatest thing that I have done in my half century of life. But that would not have been possible on my own. The best life partner I could have chosen is Alejandro, my Jano and together with him I reached 50. With two children, with my closest relatives, with my friends who I love so much and who are already an indisputable and unrepeatable part of my life . Here I am with you, celebrating and enjoying… and looking forward - very optimistically - to what my next half century has to offer me.

Eternally grateful, this fifty-something. Amparo Pilar Elorrieta Muñoz

About Lockdown among other things.

Who was going to tell me that about 10 years ago when I saw a movie called "Contagion" and I said "uffff ... thank goodness these things don't happen in real life" I was going to swallow my words? Here we are. So is everyone. It doesn't matter if you are from Asia, Africa, Europe, America, etc. it affected all of us. ​for the second year in a row locked up at home, with enough storage to not go shopping in a long time. And if you go out ... with a mask, alcohol gel and social distancing. But this confinement, although it is distressing, has also allowed me to spend more time with my family, to enjoy a few books that I had not had time to read, but, above all, to enjoy one of the greatest pleasures in life: to sleep

Honestly, I really want everything to be solved. We have a vaccine but apparently it has not been of much use, infections are increasing day after day, however, and as long as we take the proper precautions ... why not to enjoy a little bit of our loved ones who live with us, of those TV series or movies that we can never watch, or better yet ... reading the books that have been watching us and flirting with us for a long time?

Let's enjoy the lockdown a little bit. You are invited

P.S. and in Autumn, what can be better?

A Five Year Period

 

This Sunday, January 10th, just like the day you left, it's been 5 years since you left us. Dad can't even imagine the amount of people who have told me "calm down, time heals everything" ... the most absolute lie. 50, 60, 1000 years may pass and you will always be missing. How are things over there? how is the family? you see me? Do you see us? Dad you are in all our memories, in all our events. Since you left, they may call me crazy, but I always remember you in difficult moments. There are things that you and I talked about and nobody knows but ... it doesn't matter, I know that all of your children are tremendously important to you.

When I leave this world and reach the other, I want you to be the one to receive me, hug you, kiss you, sing with you ... gossip. Ufff ... so many things to tell. Dad ... I miss you, a lot.

Five years ago I had to stand in front of your coffin and say a few words in your honor,words that I took from my soul and my heart and that, to be honest I don't no how I was able to say. Today, five years ago you left and I say "today", because I don't know if on Sunday January 10th I will have the stregnth to write for you, I must say that the pain is still there, that sadness still lives inside me, the hope of seeing you again has increased . Dad I miss you and I know where you are going, do you know why? because you live in me

.

WHEN A FRIEND PASSES AWAY...

There are friendships that stay into you. Some last decades. Others less, but when that person is special - with her virtues and defects, and
leaves untimely - it hurts.
Particularly this time I want to refer to you, dear Yanny. We met thinking that the real friends were our children without realizing that time would make you that time would make you a person very close to our family.
Now that you left, that you are no longer with us, and that therefore I cannot stop thinking how unfair life is, I can confidently say that I write this with tears in my eyes.What am I going to do with that friend whom I called to say "Yanny !! please, I need help decorating for the Halloween party !!!", "Yanny ... please you can come help me decorate my house for Christmas?you know that I have a lot of decoration, help! "And so it always was. There, loyal, present, FRIEND. Yanny, I have many friends but your place .... NO ONE will take it. I will miss you until the day when it is my turn to follow you, and there you will tell me "did you bring me my michelada?"

TRILOGY OF SADNESS

As when the film "Marcelino, pan y vino" begins. Just like that. A man dies, a child is born and five years pass and the narrator says "what can we say about a man when five years have passed since his death. All. But what can we say about a child when he is only five years old?" I start this writing with an extract of that film that I saw thousands of times with you.

However, this time it is not five years, but three. What can I say? What can I add that I have not expressed before? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's already been three years since I said goodbye to you and although people do their best to tell me that time can cure everything, I can say with the greatest certainty that this is not There are moments of joy in which when I remember you I laugh at your comments, your actions ... "Peter Parker", "the miraculous little boy of Chimbarongo", etc. jokes that will remain in our family forever, and even if I take a laugh another laugh I can not deny or fail to recognize that behind those laughter there are tears too.Dad, I can be as old as I am and never, NEVER going tomiss you. My face reminds me, the mirror reminds me at every moment. Life reminds me..

REMEMBER ME

Again June, again Father's Day about to be celebrated. Tomorrow my children will celebrate their father, my husband. And I know it will be a beautiful and great day.

The pain, however, that I have will be with me until the end of my days. This celebration reminds me that I do not have my dad with me. That I have no one to greet. The pain is deep, constant and alive. But beyond hurting I also know that he is not here with me. HERE with me. On the other side, yes. And someday when I leave I'll see him again, and hug and share a glass of wine, a beer, a barbecue with him. He's going to nag me again for something I said or did. He will tell me that he saw how I decorated my house for this or that date and he will tell me that he liked a certain detail. He will criticize me maybe one or the other step when I dance the cueca. He will talk to me about a soccer match that we saw, him there and me here, about a presidential candidate who will make us laugh, anyway ... as he always was. As it is not anymore. And how will it be ... on the other side.

Happy Day Jano, my children's dad,  who adore you.

Happy Father's Day ... I can not hug you, but I will one day.

BYE BYE CHRISTMAS AND 2017 IS ALMOST OVER

It's hard  to find time to write! As if it was a surprise. I do not have time even to sleep.

It was a blink and 2017 is going. The Christmas that I looked forward to has already passed. The celebration of the New Year and wait for 2018 ... this weekend. And summer holiday in a couple of days.

This year-like the previous ones-has taught me that I must always be cautious, that my children grow, that my family and friends change. But there are unconditional people who will ALWAYS be by my side. My feelings have not changed. I'm still the same as always. Stubborn, lover of Christmas and important dates, missing my dad, person tolike gahtering the family as it is. And ... I do not plan to change. Maybe you and I do not see each other very often. Maybe almost never. But if you read this, be sure that your comment will be valued and you are always in my thoughts.

I hope you had a beautiful Christmas and that  2018 does not bring more than ... good vibes and health. NOTHING ELSE.

P.S. I still miss you, dad.

ANOTHER SEPTEMBER... WITHOUT YOU

As usually happens logically, the year passes, and sooner or later September arrives. And he's here to remind me that you are not. That we will not have the plans we used to make. Go to the "fondas" for the appetizer, get to the house and eat empanadas while roasting. Next day: eat empanadas while preparing the anticuchos. Everything to the rhythm of our beloved Chilean music.


Dad, yes, you're not here ... physically. But you know what? not only because of respect for your legacy, but because of the the children-your grandchildren already have it in the soul-the National Festivities will continue to celebrate, with roast, anticucho, empanadas, cuecas  (you taught us to dance to your children and grandchildren) .... but without you, physically. You will be in all the things that I named above. From wherever you are ... I have the oxen in which once we had
chicha ... is there one up there ?? Go ahead! Toast? I will ... thinking of you. Do it yourself too ... thinking of me.

CHALLENGES

Back to reality. Holiday is over. Yes. They were rugged but funny ... and hopeful. We toured beautiful places but I also sprained each foot and cut my right hand by washing a glass. As a result: 12 stitches.
But it does not matter. A complex year is coming. Of changes. Challenges. Of new friendships and of others regrettably discarded. But ... maybe it was the better. There are cycles that must be fulfilled.
On the other hand I appreciate that during this last time (including 2016) we have created ties with new friends.
Things are different and we can tell. However, although cautiously, I am being optimistic. Always with that pain in my heart that will never leave me.
I hope 2017 you treat us well, that you are fair, that you make us things not very difficult. But above all ... that you give health to me, my family, my friends.

P.S. I still miss you dad.

A YEAR

It's been a year and it seems incredible.
I know I was your daughter who was always bothering you  and even though I'm not here, I still do. In more than a year all my posts in the blog have been dedicated to you.
Well, now in particular there is a reason that amazes me: I can not believe that a year has passed since you passed away. You have no idea. You can not imagine how much I miss. You do not know everything that happened ... but, you know what? I'm do not care. What really matters to me is the fact that I do not have you here. It hurts. I do not assimilate it. Neither your grandchildren. Valpi still cries. Rodrigo speaks to you. I ... miss you and I can not believe the rest of my life will be without you.
Dad, it's been a year since that damn phone call that informed me that your life was off while you were sleeping- A year. And I do not get used to it.
Pff! Many people have told me not to cry, to let you go, to fly. Pamplines and shit like you know I think. The only thing that would comfort me is to see you.
It's been a year. A year of pain. A year of discomfort. A year of bad intentions. One year away from my roots. But the most important thing: a year without you. For the first time in my life I do not know how to finish a post in my blog ... is it because I do not want to say goodbye? Dad ... it's been a year, but I feel like it was the last time we talked yesterday and the last thing I said "I love you dad." I dod not regret about that, 'cause I do, I still do.

2016...BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY

When a year is remebered negatively  the only thing you want is this year to leave. While this 2016 showed me how low a human can get, how selfish and untruthful he/she can be, it also showed me with whom I can count on my life. Friends and relatives who in difficult moments were there. That with a call, a message or their presence made me understand "I am here for you".
I knew from the beginning that it would be a tough year. I went through one of the strongest pains a person can go through: my father's death. One of the most present, dear and influential people in my life. I should want this year to fuck off ... but now! However, I have this bittersweet feeling : every day that passes by makes me away more than the last time I was with my dad. That hurts to pieces. That is why it is difficult for me to assume that in a little more than one day 2017 will be here.
Nevertheless I want to try to be optimistic. Not only is the year in which my father left, but also that the first anniversary of his death is very soon approaching. But ... with all the experience I won - and suddenly - during 2016 is that I want this new year that is about to begin come full of only good things. I wish it and I will receive it.
2017 I wait for you with open arms. Just like receiving a friend who wants to help me get on with my life. I want to continue to express my feelings with this cute mania inherited from my father which is writing. I want my husband and my children to be very healthy. I want my family and friends to be well. But above all ... I do not want to forget you dad. I will cry because that is inevitable. And I know that you will be in me every day. And you will remaind me that every time I look myself  in the mirror and see your face in mine, as your own grandchildren Valentina and Rodrigo have told me a thousand times.
Goodbye 2016, you took one of my great treasures. Welcome 2017, help me continue to fill my dad with pride, wherever he is.
Happy 2017 to all those who read me ... and  love me.

THE ENVY OF THE REST

I consider myself a lucky person. And I know that hurts. It causes envy.
I got married. For the civil and for the church and in both opportunties you were there. You handed me over. I know I did not have that problem that the son-in-law or the daughter-in-law did not like, fortunately. By that I say I HAD LUCK.
I got married. I went to live apart with my husband. Always with parental support. My father was present in both childbirth and child rearing.
You
helped me, when no one found out.
My father was ill, very sick. I could never have thought of getting married while my father was in a coma.
He told me: "you were lucky, you have the couple, beautiful and healthy."
Dad ... Your grandson has your name and I'll see to it that he values it.
I miss you.

THE VALUE OF A PROMISE

According to the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy of Language PROMISE  is defined as: 

. "Expression

  of the

  wish of

Give someone or do something for him. "

-"Solemn offering, without religious formula, but

Equivalent to an oath to perform well the duties of a

Charge or function to be exercised. "

Promise: a legal or sometimes moral value. From my point of view, the fact that it is moral is even more valuable. Especially considering who is made that promise for. It should-or ought-to be the greatest will and dullness in fulfilling it.

But, what happens when there's a huge wall in front of you that doesn't let you continue with the promise that with your soul and with all your heart you swore to fulfill ?. It already becomes exhausting, draining and even causing damage to the health of those who do want to keep it. You see yourself preaching in the desert in front of beings who believe they have more right or knowledge than you, who are based on lies to carry out their selfish desire. And they will have no qualms about slandering you-even knowing their own reality and behavioral history-as long as they can  indispose you.

I lost the battle. As a consolation I have the knowledge that perhaps the person to whom I made this promise knows that I tried by all means ... but they put obstacles to the size of Everest Mount.

It hurts. And I feel that I have betrayed - though involuntarily - someone who told me a thousand times in private "do this, do that, promise me". And I agreed, from the heart. But stabbing in the back to someone who can not give his opinion is unforgivable. My conscience is not calm, even though I know it's not my fault. The others ... probably are. Because I know that sense of responsibility, loyalty and honesty  THEY DO NOT HAVE.

I am sorry. Forgive me.

NOTHING TO CELEBRATE

If you're not here...I have nothing to celebrate,

FATHER'S DAY

In the circumstances in which I am on this date it is only as can be. Father's Day. trade date, they say. It may be but it has always been the day when all greet with special affection and love that perhaps the most important man in our lives. That man often example to follow. When we were kids gave us maybe a bump on the head ... or congratulated us on a good qualification. Jealous if they looked at her daughter. Proud if it was the son.
Anyway. That man, which we call "Dad" is no longer with me. So is. This is my first Father's Day without my dad. Advertisements, commercials both on TV and in the mall .... everywhere cruelly reminding me that I now have no one to hug. There is a father in my family however. My own children's one. And it's a great dad. Worried, grumpy, fun with their kids. It's nice to see him with the children. But ... I do not have mine with me ... and it hurts.

As well as this one, many  Father's Days to come and I will remember and feel again that emptiness and a desire to hug him and say "Happy Day Dad" as I  used to until last year. I'll look at your amphora. I will light a special candle for you and with tears in my eyes I will go to your photo and say  "I can not hug you nor kiss you but ... Happy Day Dad, I love you, I miss you ... even more every day."

MY FATHER AND HIS GUITAR

My dad playing and performing "The Clock" (El Reloj) by Roberto Cantoral. The girl's voice which is heard at the beginning saying "reloooooooj" it's me when I was  about 5 or 6 years. I am also making background sounds clock.

TO YOU

Hi. I's been  3 months. Do you know I miss you a lot? Do you remember the promise I made to you? Well, I am doing, but there is another I did to you and ask you if you are watching me from somewhere give me a hand.
Anyway. Let me tell you that these three months have not been enough to stop crying. I dream of you every night, sometimes I forget that you're not here and I even  start to dial your number and then  ... I remember the horrible reality.
People tell me not to cry, I must be strong, I have children but you know what happens? I do not think it's good suppress my feelings. And  I don't think that if you see me crying is wrong either-if you really see-because you knew this would happen. We talked about it a thousand times.
By the way .... how was the trip? You gave my greetings? do not forget what I asked you.
Well, I do not want to bother you anymore. I just want you to know that you're still in my thoughts-and you'll always be-you know why? Because you are nothing less than my dad.

A MONTH

How many things can happen in a month? In a month your hair might grow, you can gain or lose weight. Maybe in a month you can meet new friends ... or the love of your life. Economic problems or maybe improve your situation. But when in a month perhaps the most important man in your life is your loss.... how important can be all the above?
Yes. A month ago, the most influential man in my life passed away. And I felt time flew. It's like it was yesterday. The early morning call, getting to see and notice your face incredibly peaceful. Handsome even in your coffin.
Today your ashes, divided into three amphorae-as if none of your three children would like to let you go-are in my house. And I talk, I look at your picture and tell you how it goes. I cry. I ask you questions.
One month. A month dad you're no longer with us and at this moment  when I see the time and I know that a month ago you had only an hour and a half left to live,  believe me time has done nothing to alleviate the pain that burns my stomach, hindering me breathing, do not let me sleep .... do not let me live. I get angry. Some people tell me  not to cry, not to think so much, that it makes me wrong .... can you stop thinking when it is your father who is gone? can anyone understand that feeling? No. No one who has not gone through this pain can understand. But you knew. You knew this would happen. We had many conversations and you told me to what I had to do. Dad: it doesn't work. Here I am thinking of you, crying and unable to assume or settle. Thinking a thousand things. That life is unfair, that what will I do without you, why my kids are going to spend the rest of their lives without their Grandpa. Anyway.
No. It is not true that time helps .... I only know I'll have to learn to live with this pain that tears my heart and does not let me sleep.
did you know Dad? it's hard to go on without you. I even  learned to vent the same way as you did: writing.
Today marks a month. A month and many more will come. Then it will be years. Until one day I will say "It's been many years since the  my father passed away and I still cry, still miss him, still need him." So life without you will never be the same .... even in centuries dad.