How many things can happen in a month? In a month your hair might grow, you can gain or lose weight. Maybe in a month you can meet new friends ... or the love of your life. Economic problems or maybe improve your situation. But when in a month perhaps the most important man in your life is your loss.... how important can be all the above?Yes. A month ago, the most influential man in my life passed away. And I felt time flew. It's like it was yesterday. The early morning call, getting to see and notice your face incredibly peaceful. Handsome even in your coffin.
Today your ashes, divided into three amphorae-as if none of your three children would like to let you go-are in my house. And I talk, I look at your picture and tell you how it goes. I cry. I ask you questions.
One month. A month dad you're no longer with us and at this moment when I see the time and I know that a month ago you had only an hour and a half left to live, believe me time has done nothing to alleviate the pain that burns my stomach, hindering me breathing, do not let me sleep .... do not let me live. I get angry. Some people tell me not to cry, not to think so much, that it makes me wrong .... can you stop thinking when it is your father who is gone? can anyone understand that feeling? No. No one who has not gone through this pain can understand. But you knew. You knew this would happen. We had many conversations and you told me to what I had to do. Dad: it doesn't work. Here I am thinking of you, crying and unable to assume or settle. Thinking a thousand things. That life is unfair, that what will I do without you, why my kids are going to spend the rest of their lives without their Grandpa. Anyway.
No. It is not true that time helps .... I only know I'll have to learn to live with this pain that tears my heart and does not let me sleep.
did you know Dad? it's hard to go on without you. I even learned to vent the same way as you did: writing.
Today marks a month. A month and many more will come. Then it will be years. Until one day I will say "It's been many years since the my father passed away and I still cry, still miss him, still need him." So life without you will never be the same .... even in centuries dad.
