2016...BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY

When a year is remebered negatively  the only thing you want is this year to leave. While this 2016 showed me how low a human can get, how selfish and untruthful he/she can be, it also showed me with whom I can count on my life. Friends and relatives who in difficult moments were there. That with a call, a message or their presence made me understand "I am here for you".
I knew from the beginning that it would be a tough year. I went through one of the strongest pains a person can go through: my father's death. One of the most present, dear and influential people in my life. I should want this year to fuck off ... but now! However, I have this bittersweet feeling : every day that passes by makes me away more than the last time I was with my dad. That hurts to pieces. That is why it is difficult for me to assume that in a little more than one day 2017 will be here.
Nevertheless I want to try to be optimistic. Not only is the year in which my father left, but also that the first anniversary of his death is very soon approaching. But ... with all the experience I won - and suddenly - during 2016 is that I want this new year that is about to begin come full of only good things. I wish it and I will receive it.
2017 I wait for you with open arms. Just like receiving a friend who wants to help me get on with my life. I want to continue to express my feelings with this cute mania inherited from my father which is writing. I want my husband and my children to be very healthy. I want my family and friends to be well. But above all ... I do not want to forget you dad. I will cry because that is inevitable. And I know that you will be in me every day. And you will remaind me that every time I look myself  in the mirror and see your face in mine, as your own grandchildren Valentina and Rodrigo have told me a thousand times.
Goodbye 2016, you took one of my great treasures. Welcome 2017, help me continue to fill my dad with pride, wherever he is.
Happy 2017 to all those who read me ... and  love me.

THE ENVY OF THE REST

I consider myself a lucky person. And I know that hurts. It causes envy.
I got married. For the civil and for the church and in both opportunties you were there. You handed me over. I know I did not have that problem that the son-in-law or the daughter-in-law did not like, fortunately. By that I say I HAD LUCK.
I got married. I went to live apart with my husband. Always with parental support. My father was present in both childbirth and child rearing.
You
helped me, when no one found out.
My father was ill, very sick. I could never have thought of getting married while my father was in a coma.
He told me: "you were lucky, you have the couple, beautiful and healthy."
Dad ... Your grandson has your name and I'll see to it that he values it.
I miss you.

THE VALUE OF A PROMISE

According to the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy of Language PROMISE  is defined as: 

. "Expression

  of the

  wish of

Give someone or do something for him. "

-"Solemn offering, without religious formula, but

Equivalent to an oath to perform well the duties of a

Charge or function to be exercised. "

Promise: a legal or sometimes moral value. From my point of view, the fact that it is moral is even more valuable. Especially considering who is made that promise for. It should-or ought-to be the greatest will and dullness in fulfilling it.

But, what happens when there's a huge wall in front of you that doesn't let you continue with the promise that with your soul and with all your heart you swore to fulfill ?. It already becomes exhausting, draining and even causing damage to the health of those who do want to keep it. You see yourself preaching in the desert in front of beings who believe they have more right or knowledge than you, who are based on lies to carry out their selfish desire. And they will have no qualms about slandering you-even knowing their own reality and behavioral history-as long as they can  indispose you.

I lost the battle. As a consolation I have the knowledge that perhaps the person to whom I made this promise knows that I tried by all means ... but they put obstacles to the size of Everest Mount.

It hurts. And I feel that I have betrayed - though involuntarily - someone who told me a thousand times in private "do this, do that, promise me". And I agreed, from the heart. But stabbing in the back to someone who can not give his opinion is unforgivable. My conscience is not calm, even though I know it's not my fault. The others ... probably are. Because I know that sense of responsibility, loyalty and honesty  THEY DO NOT HAVE.

I am sorry. Forgive me.

NOTHING TO CELEBRATE

If you're not here...I have nothing to celebrate,

FATHER'S DAY

In the circumstances in which I am on this date it is only as can be. Father's Day. trade date, they say. It may be but it has always been the day when all greet with special affection and love that perhaps the most important man in our lives. That man often example to follow. When we were kids gave us maybe a bump on the head ... or congratulated us on a good qualification. Jealous if they looked at her daughter. Proud if it was the son.
Anyway. That man, which we call "Dad" is no longer with me. So is. This is my first Father's Day without my dad. Advertisements, commercials both on TV and in the mall .... everywhere cruelly reminding me that I now have no one to hug. There is a father in my family however. My own children's one. And it's a great dad. Worried, grumpy, fun with their kids. It's nice to see him with the children. But ... I do not have mine with me ... and it hurts.

As well as this one, many  Father's Days to come and I will remember and feel again that emptiness and a desire to hug him and say "Happy Day Dad" as I  used to until last year. I'll look at your amphora. I will light a special candle for you and with tears in my eyes I will go to your photo and say  "I can not hug you nor kiss you but ... Happy Day Dad, I love you, I miss you ... even more every day."

MY FATHER AND HIS GUITAR

My dad playing and performing "The Clock" (El Reloj) by Roberto Cantoral. The girl's voice which is heard at the beginning saying "reloooooooj" it's me when I was  about 5 or 6 years. I am also making background sounds clock.

TO YOU

Hi. I's been  3 months. Do you know I miss you a lot? Do you remember the promise I made to you? Well, I am doing, but there is another I did to you and ask you if you are watching me from somewhere give me a hand.
Anyway. Let me tell you that these three months have not been enough to stop crying. I dream of you every night, sometimes I forget that you're not here and I even  start to dial your number and then  ... I remember the horrible reality.
People tell me not to cry, I must be strong, I have children but you know what happens? I do not think it's good suppress my feelings. And  I don't think that if you see me crying is wrong either-if you really see-because you knew this would happen. We talked about it a thousand times.
By the way .... how was the trip? You gave my greetings? do not forget what I asked you.
Well, I do not want to bother you anymore. I just want you to know that you're still in my thoughts-and you'll always be-you know why? Because you are nothing less than my dad.

A MONTH

How many things can happen in a month? In a month your hair might grow, you can gain or lose weight. Maybe in a month you can meet new friends ... or the love of your life. Economic problems or maybe improve your situation. But when in a month perhaps the most important man in your life is your loss.... how important can be all the above?
Yes. A month ago, the most influential man in my life passed away. And I felt time flew. It's like it was yesterday. The early morning call, getting to see and notice your face incredibly peaceful. Handsome even in your coffin.
Today your ashes, divided into three amphorae-as if none of your three children would like to let you go-are in my house. And I talk, I look at your picture and tell you how it goes. I cry. I ask you questions.
One month. A month dad you're no longer with us and at this moment  when I see the time and I know that a month ago you had only an hour and a half left to live,  believe me time has done nothing to alleviate the pain that burns my stomach, hindering me breathing, do not let me sleep .... do not let me live. I get angry. Some people tell me  not to cry, not to think so much, that it makes me wrong .... can you stop thinking when it is your father who is gone? can anyone understand that feeling? No. No one who has not gone through this pain can understand. But you knew. You knew this would happen. We had many conversations and you told me to what I had to do. Dad: it doesn't work. Here I am thinking of you, crying and unable to assume or settle. Thinking a thousand things. That life is unfair, that what will I do without you, why my kids are going to spend the rest of their lives without their Grandpa. Anyway.
No. It is not true that time helps .... I only know I'll have to learn to live with this pain that tears my heart and does not let me sleep.
did you know Dad? it's hard to go on without you. I even  learned to vent the same way as you did: writing.
Today marks a month. A month and many more will come. Then it will be years. Until one day I will say "It's been many years since the  my father passed away and I still cry, still miss him, still need him." So life without you will never be the same .... even in centuries dad.

TO MY FATHER

Friends and family:
On behalf of the Elorrieta Muñoz family I want to state the following: I know they say, it's repetitive, but there is no expression: at this time so hard for us would like to express our deepest gratitude to those who have supported us, accompanied and understanding lately. They were difficult times but we have learned to cope with the help and strength that many of you Have given us. We are proud to see people who have come to show their love and respect towards our dear father, husband, father in law and grandfather Jaime Alfonso Elorrieta Polloni.
  It hurts. Yes. This hurts a lot. However, there are things we want to express and we do not want to stay in the air.
It was a grumpy man, cantankerous, stubborn (like all ELO, we have no right to judge, because we are all the same, and those who know us ... .also know that it's true) funny and very affectionate to his family, especially his grandchildren .
The image of the typical serious as Captain Von Trapp was set aside for those who knew you closely.
Nobody ever managed to tarnish your image because you with your  so perfectly honest and impeccable speaking were able to keep in silence any contendor.
We learned to see you in pain from seeing our dear Nino, your father, passing away. And yet you managed to include all of your children and nieces in this masterful epitaph.
Today we have to say goodbye to you. Most painful thing. Perhaps the most painful one life has made us face to your wife, children, sons in law, daughter in law and grandchildren. I even feel pets are going to miss you too.
You leave. But paradoxically you stay. You'll stand on each September 18 held with cuecas, kebabs and empanadas.
You'll stay in every guitar playing until late in the family. You'll stay in your grandchildren's face every time we see them repeat yours  gestures.
Personally ... you will be with me every time I look at myself  in the mirror and I see this tremendous forehead that-among many other things you do well know- I inherited.
I beg the wind, as a chilean writer said, that this beautiful  belief about another life is not more than  a mere consolation for people, not a beautiful lie invented to
stand the pain, is actually true, I hope  the wind whispers this in my ear ... and I long,  we all long to that ... .Therefore ...


Jaime Alfonso:

See you soon husband
See you soon father in law
See you soon Grandpa
See you soon....Dad...
                                         with love
                                                          Your  *"little rib"

*"little rib", the nickname my dad had for l me when I was a little girl

(My words during the ceremony at my father's funeral, with the  "Big Fish" suit as a background)

These songs  were heard during the ceremony in honor of my dad: "El Reloj" by Antonio Prieto and "Mi Caballo Blanco" by Los Huasos Quincheros.

Dear Dad,  I did my best to give you tribute. I'll miss you for the rest of my life ...

YOU'RE ALREADY HERE 2016

You are here already. I know you won't behave. As they did in 2014 and 2015. I do not know how you will behave afterwards. If you let me quiet. If I have peace .... all I know is that I hate you for the rest of my life. That you'll get one of the most precious things I have. So I know that although I hate you with all my heart unfortunately I won't be able to forget you. I ask only one thing: what you have to do, do it with mercy and compassion . It's the only way I could see you in some different way
. A less painful way.