TRILOGY OF SADNESS

As when the film "Marcelino, pan y vino" begins. Just like that. A man dies, a child is born and five years pass and the narrator says "what can we say about a man when five years have passed since his death. All. But what can we say about a child when he is only five years old?" I start this writing with an extract of that film that I saw thousands of times with you.

However, this time it is not five years, but three. What can I say? What can I add that I have not expressed before? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's already been three years since I said goodbye to you and although people do their best to tell me that time can cure everything, I can say with the greatest certainty that this is not There are moments of joy in which when I remember you I laugh at your comments, your actions ... "Peter Parker", "the miraculous little boy of Chimbarongo", etc. jokes that will remain in our family forever, and even if I take a laugh another laugh I can not deny or fail to recognize that behind those laughter there are tears too.Dad, I can be as old as I am and never, NEVER going tomiss you. My face reminds me, the mirror reminds me at every moment. Life reminds me..

REMEMBER ME

Again June, again Father's Day about to be celebrated. Tomorrow my children will celebrate their father, my husband. And I know it will be a beautiful and great day.

The pain, however, that I have will be with me until the end of my days. This celebration reminds me that I do not have my dad with me. That I have no one to greet. The pain is deep, constant and alive. But beyond hurting I also know that he is not here with me. HERE with me. On the other side, yes. And someday when I leave I'll see him again, and hug and share a glass of wine, a beer, a barbecue with him. He's going to nag me again for something I said or did. He will tell me that he saw how I decorated my house for this or that date and he will tell me that he liked a certain detail. He will criticize me maybe one or the other step when I dance the cueca. He will talk to me about a soccer match that we saw, him there and me here, about a presidential candidate who will make us laugh, anyway ... as he always was. As it is not anymore. And how will it be ... on the other side.

Happy Day Jano, my children's dad,  who adore you.

Happy Father's Day ... I can not hug you, but I will one day.

BYE BYE CHRISTMAS AND 2017 IS ALMOST OVER

It's hard  to find time to write! As if it was a surprise. I do not have time even to sleep.

It was a blink and 2017 is going. The Christmas that I looked forward to has already passed. The celebration of the New Year and wait for 2018 ... this weekend. And summer holiday in a couple of days.

This year-like the previous ones-has taught me that I must always be cautious, that my children grow, that my family and friends change. But there are unconditional people who will ALWAYS be by my side. My feelings have not changed. I'm still the same as always. Stubborn, lover of Christmas and important dates, missing my dad, person tolike gahtering the family as it is. And ... I do not plan to change. Maybe you and I do not see each other very often. Maybe almost never. But if you read this, be sure that your comment will be valued and you are always in my thoughts.

I hope you had a beautiful Christmas and that  2018 does not bring more than ... good vibes and health. NOTHING ELSE.

P.S. I still miss you, dad.

ANOTHER SEPTEMBER... WITHOUT YOU

As usually happens logically, the year passes, and sooner or later September arrives. And he's here to remind me that you are not. That we will not have the plans we used to make. Go to the "fondas" for the appetizer, get to the house and eat empanadas while roasting. Next day: eat empanadas while preparing the anticuchos. Everything to the rhythm of our beloved Chilean music.


Dad, yes, you're not here ... physically. But you know what? not only because of respect for your legacy, but because of the the children-your grandchildren already have it in the soul-the National Festivities will continue to celebrate, with roast, anticucho, empanadas, cuecas  (you taught us to dance to your children and grandchildren) .... but without you, physically. You will be in all the things that I named above. From wherever you are ... I have the oxen in which once we had
chicha ... is there one up there ?? Go ahead! Toast? I will ... thinking of you. Do it yourself too ... thinking of me.

CHALLENGES

Back to reality. Holiday is over. Yes. They were rugged but funny ... and hopeful. We toured beautiful places but I also sprained each foot and cut my right hand by washing a glass. As a result: 12 stitches.
But it does not matter. A complex year is coming. Of changes. Challenges. Of new friendships and of others regrettably discarded. But ... maybe it was the better. There are cycles that must be fulfilled.
On the other hand I appreciate that during this last time (including 2016) we have created ties with new friends.
Things are different and we can tell. However, although cautiously, I am being optimistic. Always with that pain in my heart that will never leave me.
I hope 2017 you treat us well, that you are fair, that you make us things not very difficult. But above all ... that you give health to me, my family, my friends.

P.S. I still miss you dad.

A YEAR

It's been a year and it seems incredible.
I know I was your daughter who was always bothering you  and even though I'm not here, I still do. In more than a year all my posts in the blog have been dedicated to you.
Well, now in particular there is a reason that amazes me: I can not believe that a year has passed since you passed away. You have no idea. You can not imagine how much I miss. You do not know everything that happened ... but, you know what? I'm do not care. What really matters to me is the fact that I do not have you here. It hurts. I do not assimilate it. Neither your grandchildren. Valpi still cries. Rodrigo speaks to you. I ... miss you and I can not believe the rest of my life will be without you.
Dad, it's been a year since that damn phone call that informed me that your life was off while you were sleeping- A year. And I do not get used to it.
Pff! Many people have told me not to cry, to let you go, to fly. Pamplines and shit like you know I think. The only thing that would comfort me is to see you.
It's been a year. A year of pain. A year of discomfort. A year of bad intentions. One year away from my roots. But the most important thing: a year without you. For the first time in my life I do not know how to finish a post in my blog ... is it because I do not want to say goodbye? Dad ... it's been a year, but I feel like it was the last time we talked yesterday and the last thing I said "I love you dad." I dod not regret about that, 'cause I do, I still do.

2016...BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY

When a year is remebered negatively  the only thing you want is this year to leave. While this 2016 showed me how low a human can get, how selfish and untruthful he/she can be, it also showed me with whom I can count on my life. Friends and relatives who in difficult moments were there. That with a call, a message or their presence made me understand "I am here for you".
I knew from the beginning that it would be a tough year. I went through one of the strongest pains a person can go through: my father's death. One of the most present, dear and influential people in my life. I should want this year to fuck off ... but now! However, I have this bittersweet feeling : every day that passes by makes me away more than the last time I was with my dad. That hurts to pieces. That is why it is difficult for me to assume that in a little more than one day 2017 will be here.
Nevertheless I want to try to be optimistic. Not only is the year in which my father left, but also that the first anniversary of his death is very soon approaching. But ... with all the experience I won - and suddenly - during 2016 is that I want this new year that is about to begin come full of only good things. I wish it and I will receive it.
2017 I wait for you with open arms. Just like receiving a friend who wants to help me get on with my life. I want to continue to express my feelings with this cute mania inherited from my father which is writing. I want my husband and my children to be very healthy. I want my family and friends to be well. But above all ... I do not want to forget you dad. I will cry because that is inevitable. And I know that you will be in me every day. And you will remaind me that every time I look myself  in the mirror and see your face in mine, as your own grandchildren Valentina and Rodrigo have told me a thousand times.
Goodbye 2016, you took one of my great treasures. Welcome 2017, help me continue to fill my dad with pride, wherever he is.
Happy 2017 to all those who read me ... and  love me.