ANOTHER SEPTEMBER... WITHOUT YOU

As usually happens logically, the year passes, and sooner or later September arrives. And he's here to remind me that you are not. That we will not have the plans we used to make. Go to the "fondas" for the appetizer, get to the house and eat empanadas while roasting. Next day: eat empanadas while preparing the anticuchos. Everything to the rhythm of our beloved Chilean music.


Dad, yes, you're not here ... physically. But you know what? not only because of respect for your legacy, but because of the the children-your grandchildren already have it in the soul-the National Festivities will continue to celebrate, with roast, anticucho, empanadas, cuecas  (you taught us to dance to your children and grandchildren) .... but without you, physically. You will be in all the things that I named above. From wherever you are ... I have the oxen in which once we had
chicha ... is there one up there ?? Go ahead! Toast? I will ... thinking of you. Do it yourself too ... thinking of me.

CHALLENGES

Back to reality. Holiday is over. Yes. They were rugged but funny ... and hopeful. We toured beautiful places but I also sprained each foot and cut my right hand by washing a glass. As a result: 12 stitches.
But it does not matter. A complex year is coming. Of changes. Challenges. Of new friendships and of others regrettably discarded. But ... maybe it was the better. There are cycles that must be fulfilled.
On the other hand I appreciate that during this last time (including 2016) we have created ties with new friends.
Things are different and we can tell. However, although cautiously, I am being optimistic. Always with that pain in my heart that will never leave me.
I hope 2017 you treat us well, that you are fair, that you make us things not very difficult. But above all ... that you give health to me, my family, my friends.

P.S. I still miss you dad.

A YEAR

It's been a year and it seems incredible.
I know I was your daughter who was always bothering you  and even though I'm not here, I still do. In more than a year all my posts in the blog have been dedicated to you.
Well, now in particular there is a reason that amazes me: I can not believe that a year has passed since you passed away. You have no idea. You can not imagine how much I miss. You do not know everything that happened ... but, you know what? I'm do not care. What really matters to me is the fact that I do not have you here. It hurts. I do not assimilate it. Neither your grandchildren. Valpi still cries. Rodrigo speaks to you. I ... miss you and I can not believe the rest of my life will be without you.
Dad, it's been a year since that damn phone call that informed me that your life was off while you were sleeping- A year. And I do not get used to it.
Pff! Many people have told me not to cry, to let you go, to fly. Pamplines and shit like you know I think. The only thing that would comfort me is to see you.
It's been a year. A year of pain. A year of discomfort. A year of bad intentions. One year away from my roots. But the most important thing: a year without you. For the first time in my life I do not know how to finish a post in my blog ... is it because I do not want to say goodbye? Dad ... it's been a year, but I feel like it was the last time we talked yesterday and the last thing I said "I love you dad." I dod not regret about that, 'cause I do, I still do.

2016...BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY

When a year is remebered negatively  the only thing you want is this year to leave. While this 2016 showed me how low a human can get, how selfish and untruthful he/she can be, it also showed me with whom I can count on my life. Friends and relatives who in difficult moments were there. That with a call, a message or their presence made me understand "I am here for you".
I knew from the beginning that it would be a tough year. I went through one of the strongest pains a person can go through: my father's death. One of the most present, dear and influential people in my life. I should want this year to fuck off ... but now! However, I have this bittersweet feeling : every day that passes by makes me away more than the last time I was with my dad. That hurts to pieces. That is why it is difficult for me to assume that in a little more than one day 2017 will be here.
Nevertheless I want to try to be optimistic. Not only is the year in which my father left, but also that the first anniversary of his death is very soon approaching. But ... with all the experience I won - and suddenly - during 2016 is that I want this new year that is about to begin come full of only good things. I wish it and I will receive it.
2017 I wait for you with open arms. Just like receiving a friend who wants to help me get on with my life. I want to continue to express my feelings with this cute mania inherited from my father which is writing. I want my husband and my children to be very healthy. I want my family and friends to be well. But above all ... I do not want to forget you dad. I will cry because that is inevitable. And I know that you will be in me every day. And you will remaind me that every time I look myself  in the mirror and see your face in mine, as your own grandchildren Valentina and Rodrigo have told me a thousand times.
Goodbye 2016, you took one of my great treasures. Welcome 2017, help me continue to fill my dad with pride, wherever he is.
Happy 2017 to all those who read me ... and  love me.

THE ENVY OF THE REST

I consider myself a lucky person. And I know that hurts. It causes envy.
I got married. For the civil and for the church and in both opportunties you were there. You handed me over. I know I did not have that problem that the son-in-law or the daughter-in-law did not like, fortunately. By that I say I HAD LUCK.
I got married. I went to live apart with my husband. Always with parental support. My father was present in both childbirth and child rearing.
You
helped me, when no one found out.
My father was ill, very sick. I could never have thought of getting married while my father was in a coma.
He told me: "you were lucky, you have the couple, beautiful and healthy."
Dad ... Your grandson has your name and I'll see to it that he values it.
I miss you.

THE VALUE OF A PROMISE

According to the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy of Language PROMISE  is defined as: 

. "Expression

  of the

  wish of

Give someone or do something for him. "

-"Solemn offering, without religious formula, but

Equivalent to an oath to perform well the duties of a

Charge or function to be exercised. "

Promise: a legal or sometimes moral value. From my point of view, the fact that it is moral is even more valuable. Especially considering who is made that promise for. It should-or ought-to be the greatest will and dullness in fulfilling it.

But, what happens when there's a huge wall in front of you that doesn't let you continue with the promise that with your soul and with all your heart you swore to fulfill ?. It already becomes exhausting, draining and even causing damage to the health of those who do want to keep it. You see yourself preaching in the desert in front of beings who believe they have more right or knowledge than you, who are based on lies to carry out their selfish desire. And they will have no qualms about slandering you-even knowing their own reality and behavioral history-as long as they can  indispose you.

I lost the battle. As a consolation I have the knowledge that perhaps the person to whom I made this promise knows that I tried by all means ... but they put obstacles to the size of Everest Mount.

It hurts. And I feel that I have betrayed - though involuntarily - someone who told me a thousand times in private "do this, do that, promise me". And I agreed, from the heart. But stabbing in the back to someone who can not give his opinion is unforgivable. My conscience is not calm, even though I know it's not my fault. The others ... probably are. Because I know that sense of responsibility, loyalty and honesty  THEY DO NOT HAVE.

I am sorry. Forgive me.

NOTHING TO CELEBRATE

If you're not here...I have nothing to celebrate,